Remember that time your uncle Bob came to stay for a couple of days on his way out west and didn’t leave for a month? 

Or when your cousin Jean arrived from Chicago and drank all the wine you’d carefully stockpiled for your husband’s birthday party—before the event? Rude, right? And never forgot­ ten—that was the last occasion those relations were invited to visit, thank you very much.

No one wants to have a reputation as a horrible houseguest, but sometimes what our loved ones call our little idio­syncrasies (complaining nonstop, sleep­ ing in until noon, leaving dirty dishes in the sink) when we’re together for an afternoon or evening can seem grating and disrespectful when the exposure lasts for days on end. With the holiday season almost upon us, though, invita­tions to join family and friends in their celebrations are likely to be extended. So how do you make sure you’re not inadvertently outstaying your welcome? Whether you’re getting together for Thanksgiving or looking further ahead to winter’s festivities, here’s how to keep those invitations coming and your relationships intact.

1. Take A Gift For Your Hosts

A bot­tle of wine, their favourite dessert or a game for the kids— a gift for the host is a small way to say thank you for letting you stay, and is a great way to set the tone for your visit.

2. Stick to your dates

There’s noth­ing worse than unex­pectedly having people in your space when you’ve planned to be somewhere else. Leaving your hosts in the lurch when they’ve prepared for your arrival is also irritating and stress­ful. Being clear about dates and times— before you get there— shows respect for everyone’s schedule and wards off trouble down the road.

3. Communicate your itinerary 

If you have plans to sightsee and/or com­mitments with others while you’re staying in a home away from home, let your hosts know as soon as possible and keep everyone updated. It’s a simple act of consideration that will go a long way toward remaining in the good graces of friends and family.

4. Don't stay too long

The Emily Post Institute advises your trip should last no more than three nights, but over the holidays or summer vacation a week may be the norm. However long you’re under someone else’s roof, it’s better to leave with your hosts wanting more than to have them wearily slamming the door behind you. 

5. Remember you're in someone else's home

It’s hard to fit what amounts to two families into one space—and your hosts’ wants and needs take precedence. This means you should keep your own noise down and your mess to a minimum.

6. Obey the house rules

Again, this isn’t your house; there­fore, keep your lips zipped about what time you’re expected to go to bed, how long you’re allowed for a shower and how din­ner ends up being served an hour after you normally eat.

7. Bring what you need 

A quick trip to the drug store to replace a forgotten toothbrush shouldn’t be a big deal, but if you require special dietary items for your new baby or prefer to use your own hair products, for example, don’t expect your hosts to provide them for you.

8. Pitch in

Good house- guests don’t let their hosts do all the work. Instead, they dry the dishes, read bedtime stories to the kids, take the dog for a walk, help fold the laundry. The goal is to make yourself a part of your hosts’ family so your time together is seamless and stress-free.

9. Take the initiative

On a similar note, it’s great for your hosts when you offer to help, but frustrating when your “help” involves having them answer endless questions about where they keep the vacuum, which towels you should use, if it’s okay for you to straighten up the family room. Use your eyes and ears to learn the ways of the household, and figure the rest out for yourself.

10. Prepare for some alone time

The homeowners aren’t there to entertain you 24/7. Bring a book, take a walk, answer emails, or if you’re the first one up, make breakfast! Solitary pursuits will give both you and your friends a peaceful break from each other to recharge.

11. Be Flexible 

Your friends may not be around every day to act as your tour guides or take you to that awesome antiques store you’ve read about, in which case you’ll have to adapt accordingly. Changes in plans are inevitable, so put a smile on your face and don’t be afraid to set out to explore by yourself.

12. Provide a meal or the entertainment 

Give your loved ones a helping hand by fixing dinner on a night or two and paying for a trip to the movies or drinks at their favourite bar. Houseguests can seem like freeloaders if they allow everything to be done for them.

13. Clean up after yourself

No one likes a guest who treats their home as a makeshift hotel room. Be mindful: make your bed, wash your dishes, pick up your laundry, leave the bathroom tidy. It’s the least you can do in exchange for the hospitality you enjoy. 

14. Use your manners

Put your best foot forward; your loved ones enjoy your company, so be your most positive, pleasant self. Say please and thank you, open doors, don’t snoop, ask before raiding the fridge— you know the drill.

15. Let things go

An extended stay can sometimes lead to frayed nerves and outbursts, both on the sides of guests and of hosts. Keep your cool and let slights and snide comments slide away. It’s not worth severing ties for a few minutes of venting frustrations.

16. Send a thank-you note

Accommodating out-of-towners is no easy feat, so let your hosts know how much you appreciate their kindness and thoughtfulness, and how much you enjoyed your stay. Little details like acknowledging your loved ones’ efforts can make or break your houseguest rep. 

Our favourite gifts for hosts

1. Serving tray

Amazon, $23

2. Scented Candle 

Etsy, $41 

3. Board Game

Amazon, $42

4. Chocolates

Well.ca, $25 

4. Throw blanket

Simons, $30 (was $60)